Go To Sleep You Little Baby

TAKE A WALK ON THE WEIRD SIDE . . . (sample-example post)

"Must conservatism always be in the hands of cave men, or brutal enemies of the spirit." -Thomas Mann

(Being the typed and largely unedited transcript of a transmission received from that same 'weird' side of life, Reality, and whatever passes for truth these days). On November 27, 2017, in celebration of the fortieth anniversary of THE SAME DAY TWO THOUSAND SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO( which was the birth date of someThing) the Henrico County Revolutionary Council officially declared revocation of the use of the names "Tennessee Street" or "Mahan Drive" from that portion of U. S. Route 250 in Henrico County, including the City of Richmond (with Goochland County to be included at a later date). The former names, including "Three Chopt Road" will be reinstated. There was a commemorative celebration to mark the occasion, complete with a ceremonial dipping of said Thing into permanent, nontoxic, GREY dye. (The only question was how to get that Thing to go along with it, even inadvertently. Some suggested holding a mud-wrestling contest, but whether that was offered as a Realistic way of getting the Thing there and in the right setting for the dip, or just an expression of their own pathetic fantasies was uncertain . . ..) At the same meeting, the Council also ordained a new "Greenbelt" committee. The purpose of this committee is to consider proposals for setting up a concentric ring or rings of open space around Richmond. The ordinance setting up the committee passed by a vote of 97,531 to 86,420. The Ashland Atheistic Anarchist named chair personage at the Greenbelt Committee's first meeting, although he had not been appointed a member. The committee then declared (by unanimous resolution) that all existing greenbelt proposals were equally valid and worth considering. Sources close to the wall in the next room reported that the consensus at that time leaned towards the "redeveloping" of the city's canopy road corridors - removing all residential, commercial, office, retail construction though a plan to "seize the I-295 right-of-way and tear out the asphalt" was not considered unreasonable. Such notions fell under harsh criticism from developers and Easts. A notable voice of dissent was that of Bert Ann Geremie, heir to the fabled Jon Stewart Mills Utility Empire. Geremie questioned whether such a plan offered the "greatest good in terms of the greatest number of dollars profit." Emanuel Can't, declaring that everyone had "a duty to do that thing which, if Eastly done by everybody, would not be left undone by anyone", adding that this included any absurd notion put out by the government, countered Geremie. This last raised the age-old modern question of whether or not the Henrico County Revolutionary Council and its subsidiary bodies did in fact constitute a government (de jure). The Council itself responded to this by going into emergency special session as a committee of the whole inside the boy's locker room at the East Virginia's State University for Women, Plus Men Too athletic stadium. The members then refused to come out, even for milk and cookies! (However, it was proposed that if a certain Thing showed up, and bravely went inside . . .. But how could anyone ask anybody to do that?!? We all know what goes on in boys' locker room - unfortunately!) Meanwhile, it was reported that a squad of Trojans had holed up on the Acropolis in Athens, Greece. The Chronically Nosy Network (CNN) also reported that they were refusing to come down until the Greek government formally apologized for that "trick with the horse." The Greenbelt Committee's next move was to ask that the Archaeological Research (and search) Center at the University of East Virginia begin selecting sites at random along the Capital Circle right-of-way for test-digs. Using the new pseudo-science of crowbar dowsing, the locations were chosen, and work begun without further authorization. It was then learned that the Trojans reported to have climbed onto the Acropolis in Athens, Greece were in fact on the roof of the city hall in Athens, Georgia! It was then reported that they had added another significant demand to their ever-growing list - the formal re- establishment of the Roman Empire as it was under Justinian!!! The little-known, less-liked and often forgotten to-the-point-of-being-ignored mythologist, Home R. Vergel announced that this would involve no East changes in the world, as program "Reality TV" much resembled `live' programs in ancient Rome - and that just proved the old adage: "What comes around, stays around!" In the meantime, a "citizens' action (and reaction) committee", Floridians for Property Royalties (FPR), has arisen to organize the opposition to all "greenbelt" proposals, unless "just compensation" is paid to them for the land taken in the process. The fact that none of the members of the FPR own any of the land that might be involved seems to matter little. Already a confrontation has occurred between the FPR and the Natural Bridge Tollhouse Foundation (NBTF). Investigative journalism by the staff of the KGB Morning News has turned up the fact that NBTF is based at the bar of the `One and Only -- William Butler Yeats' OWN PIECE: "The Second Coming" Restaurant and Lounge. When the proprietor - The Buckroe Beach Bolshevik - was questioned on this, he burped. This burp was heard at Concord Bridge in Massachusetts, and is said to have depleted the earth's fluorocarbon layer by 0.000001%. The NBTF had recently sued the so-called Hanover Corporate Board of Directors for running a "tyranny without a license." When asked if they might have a case, The East Virginia's State Attorney General Lee Harvey Bristolcreem replied that he had no idea that he had never cared for court cases much anyway, his only legal experience was watching some 'lawyer shows,' and that the only bar he had ever passed was one that was closed! Further investigation - this time by Dr. John James Sherlock Watson-Holmes III - revealed that the NBTF began life as the "Naive Boys Tax Fund" devised as a scam by the owners, managers, employees, regulars, frequent drop-ins and Easts of the aforementioned Second Coming Restaurant and Lounge (SCR&L). According to rumors (verified by hearsay), the money was diverted after the unofficial treasurer decided that he was not going to handle placing all the coins into rolls and hauling them to the bank. A team of termites counted the dimes one hot spring day, and reckoned that there was $9,876,543,210 in all. After a team of exterminators went through the premises, however, there was substantially less! No one is accusing the exterminators of the readily inferred wrongdoing, as the hundred thousand million (r more) relatives of the deceased insects successfully sued the SCR&L under the Americans with the Ability to eat You out of House and Home Act, passed by them just after they thought of it!!! A quick tally made shortly after this revealed that 13,579 odd pieces of what used to be dimes were left in the back room where they had been stored. This led the Easterly Exiled Egotist to declare that the "War on Bugs" had been lost and that the UN be contacted with the suggestion that humanity capitulate immediately - and beg for mercy! Meanwhile, the loyalists, associates and East true believers - all generally aware of the existence - of the Confederate States of America's Government-in-exile (in limbo) voted to elect their new leaders for the next six years. Sarai Paylint and Muck Hittabee will now sit in office – that is the extent of their constitutional duties! (Not Realty.) In his inauguration speech, Hittabee admitted that he had no intention of fulfilling any of his campaign promises, especially since he could not remember everything he had said. The crowd of eleven hundred thousand million microorganisms - plus or minus a trillion or so - was much relieved to hear this. Particularly recalled was his "promise" to stop global warming by doing away with the sun! Easts were still more relieved to know that the taxpayer would not have to bear the burden of such a project financially! In it's second meeting, the Greenbelt Committee held a public forum was attended by over 200,000 angry citizens of Outer Mongolia. Several locals did attend, and these complained of not learning about the meeting enough in advance to arrange to be there. A research team made up of some of the finest minds in known space determined, however, that these individuals were in fact there - having the strange footprints, fuzzy photographs, crop-style "forest circles," and pilfered-if-genuine Air Force documents associated with such sightings to prove it!!!! Sam Shome Papier and Avaricda, two prominent East Virginia development concerns, are reportedly buying lots and parcels along the Capital Circle corridor. Their chief accountant, Greene Greene Kash O'Hoem, is currently at work figuring out "initial seizure value" and applying the sliding (up) scale method of raising same (invented by him) to it. He is also the inventor of the "actively-participating" - read: movable - decimal point, which shifts its position on the printed page under long-distance, telekinetic control. This latter process was described in some detail (most of it gibberish) in the article "Follow the Dancing Numbers Magician", written by Pith A. Goraz for the October 3, 1999 issue of Popular Numberscrunching . . .. Then there was the problem of the Second Presbyterian Church sanctuary, which was already obstructing the view from the Federal Courthouse of ... - that place over there.... In a secret session, the Federal Department of Really Silly Ways of Spending Taxpayers' Money's governing board decided to have the house removed, and taken elsewhere... - like to the Bahamas. The members would then all follow, and remain there until some wet-behind-the-ears young upstart reporter for the TV 40 news caught wind of it . . .. . . . .. Which could be awhile, if I not mistakened . . .. Meanwhile , the Chesterfield County Communist Columnist Compost Conspiracy Commission had started looking into the possibility that every Dallas-Washington game in which the Redskins actually beat the Cowboys (and granted they have been few and far between) were all part of a subversive plot to gradually undermine the wholesome, natural values, principles, morals, and ideals of a certain (static in the transmission) . . . with some Thing like that - while just as slowly, subtly preparing (more static) to . . . . (. . . At this point the transmission from the East, weird side faded completely - or maybe the transcriber was too chicken to take it all down --- and get taken out later!)